remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize