she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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