Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
