maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
