Fine. I'll sleep in my office
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
