i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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