I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
