why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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