No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
