There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
