My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
