my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need moral support for this bender
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
