Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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