I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
