Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
