I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
