Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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