five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
