then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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