Where is the hickey?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
