I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
