Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and i looked up. we had an audience...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
