Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
