I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
