shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize