I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
