i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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