I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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