Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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