I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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