I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
