Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
