Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
