Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
