My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
