my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
