So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
