Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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