Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize