Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
