i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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