i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize