i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
