You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
