You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
