So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
