Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
