tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize