gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
