Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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