i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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