I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
