Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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