You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
