he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
