1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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