The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
