Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize