i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
