You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
