Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
