So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
