Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
