The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
