As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Pants are for mortals
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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