Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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